Imagine a World Where We Lead with Kindness to Ourselves and Others…
Have you ever been told you’re too kind — or wondered if kindness can really hold its own in this crazy world.
I have — more than once, actually. I think people sometimes confused it with being nice. But it was always said like it was a flaw, a softness that didn’t quite fit in boardrooms — or in life, where being a little mean sometimes seemed to get you further. The thing is, kindness isn’t just something I do — it’s one of my core values, one of my top character strengths. It’s innate, and it’s not going anywhere. And frankly, I think it gets me further — and feeling better — and I’m perfectly okay not wanting the alternative.
It took me a while though to see that kindness isn’t naïve or soft — it’s powerful. It’s strength in motion. It connects, uplifts, and shifts the energy in any room. It reminds us of our shared humanity. And right now, the world could use a little more of it.
We even say, “Kill them with kindness.” But why are we killing anyone with it? Kindness isn’t a weapon; it’s an invitation — to disarm, to connect, and to bring a little more warmth into the moment.
Let’s unpack Kindness!
What Kindness Really Means
Kindness is often mistaken for niceness — doing what’s polite, keeping the peace, smiling even when we’re irritated. But real kindness goes deeper. It’s a genuine care for others and for ourselves. It’s a choice to act with warmth, empathy, and respect, even when no one’s watching.
In the simplest terms, kindness is connection in action.
It’s letting someone go ahead of you in line, offering a smile to a stranger, or sending that “thinking of you” text you’ve been meaning to send. It’s pausing before reacting harshly — toward others or ourselves — and asking, “What would kindness do here?” OMG. It is so simple. Small acts.
Kindness vs. Altruism
So what’s the difference? Aren’t they the same thing?
Not quite. Altruism is selfless — giving without expecting anything in return. It’s noble and beautiful, but it’s also a high bar. Kindness, on the other hand, doesn’t require complete selflessness. It’s more balanced — an exchange that benefits both giver and receiver.
In fact, research shows that being kind boosts the giver’s happiness as much as (or even more than) the receiver’s. Acts of kindness increase dopamine and oxytocin — our brain’s “feel-good” chemicals — strengthening connection and trust. That’s why small, everyday acts can make such a big difference: they literally rewire our brains for joy and belonging.
As Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a leading happiness researcher, says, “Doing acts of kindness is one of the most reliable ways to boost well-being.”
The Science of Simple Kindness
Here’s the good news — kindness doesn’t have to be grand to be meaningful.
In one study from the University of British Columbia, people were asked to perform small acts of kindness over 10 days — things like buying someone coffee or holding a door open. Their happiness levels significantly increased. Why? Because kindness shifts our attention outward. It reminds us we’re part of something bigger than ourselves.
Kindness builds community. It lowers stress. It boosts our immune system. It even helps us live longer. (Yes — kindness is linked to longevity!)
So when someone says you’re “too kind,” you can smile and say, “Thanks, it’s good for my health.”
Kindness Toward Ourselves: The Forgotten Piece
We often find it easier to be kind to others than to ourselves. But self-kindness — or what researcher Dr. Kristin Neff calls self-compassion — is just as essential.
Self-compassion means treating ourselves the way we’d treat a good friend. When we make a mistake, instead of beating ourselves up, we pause and say, “This is hard right now. But I’m doing my best.”
Science shows that people who practice self-compassion are more resilient, less stressed, and more motivated. It’s not about letting ourselves off the hook — it’s about softening the inner critic so we can grow from a place of care rather than shame.
Try this small practice:
Next time you catch yourself saying something unkind in your head, imagine saying it to someone you love. Then rephrase it with kindness.
How to Make Kindness a Practice
Like gratitude or mindfulness, kindness grows when we practice it intentionally.
Here are a few small ways to start:
Send a note of appreciation — even a short text counts.
Pay for someone’s coffee (or just hold the door open with a smile).
Speak kindly to yourself at least once a day — especially when you slip up.
Volunteer your time, energy, or attention where it’s needed.
Keep a “kindness log” — note one act each day.
Donate your gently used clothing.
Make someone laugh, make yourself laugh.
“Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.”
— Dalai Lama
The Contagion Effect
Kindness spreads. When we witness or receive kindness, we’re more likely to pay it forward — a phenomenon researchers call the “moral elevation effect.” One small act can ripple through dozens of lives.
Imagine if we all practiced just one act of kindness a day — to others and ourselves. What would that world feel like?
Let’s make it normal to show warmth at work, to pause before judging, to give ourselves a break when life gets messy.
Because kindness isn’t weakness. It’s strength wrapped in gentleness. And if being “too kind” is a flaw — I’m happy to keep it.